As many of us mature in the years following the COVID-19 lockdown, venture further down the rabbit hole of social media, or simply stick to our safe, insulated bubbles, it has become abundantly clear: It’s really hard to make friends as an adult.
We find ourselves entangled in the angst of showing up “right,” or adhering to some niche dinner party theme from Instagram, focusing our energy on meeting an elusive ideal instead of simply being ourselves and tending to the relationships we truly care about.
Fortunately, things like gathering, communicating, and caring are forms of labor — and areas of study — that brilliant minds have dedicated their lives and careers to mastering.
And they have plenty of resources, tools, and even conversation starters to make it all a little less daunting — especially around tough holiday gatherings. Here are some of our favorites.
By the way, some of the links in this article (like books!) are affiliate links, which means if you make a purchase after clicking a link, we may earn a commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you!
Read
“The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters” by Priya Parker
This book helps us understand why we gather. In analyzing things like effective business meetings to fun backyard barbecues, the book is part guide-part inquiry to help us all better come together for good.
“Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections” by Anna Goldfarb
“Modern Friendship” blends years of reporting as the New York Times’ “friendship correspondent,” social research, and practical tools to help us craft caring, curious, and supportive friendships — especially in the modern age.
“How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen” by David Brooks
This book has one goal: To help us be more understanding and considerate of each other. With psychological and neuroscientific insights, Brooks provides evidence-based advice for deeper connections.
Listen
“Conversations with the Hostess” hosted by Amy Long
This podcast is the best party-planning companion you could have. Every week, Long — a wife, mom, Naval Officer, and party planner — joins professional event planners to help us all deepen relationships and celebrate all of life’s moments.
“The Mel Robbins Podcast” hosted by Mel Robbins
In this pod, Robbins dives into big topics with foremost experts, covering things like dating, family dynamics, and all kinds of interpersonal conflict, so you can live a life you love, surrounded by people who love you.
“Conversations with People Who Hate Me” hosted by Dylan Marron
This audacious podcast confronts our culture of anonymous online vitriol with connection and compassion. Whether speaking with someone who left Marron a negative comment, or moderating a call between two strangers who clashed online, the result is always a new relationship, fostered with care.
Converse
We’re Not Really Strangers
Amazon | We’re Not Really Strangers
We’re Not Really Strangers is a conversation card deck created by a photojournalist who was inspired by the conversations and questions she’d encounter in the field as a photographer.
The original card set includes 150 questions and wild cards, arranged into three levels to guide a conversation with a stranger. A pad and two pencils are also included!
In Our Feelings
The “In Our Feelings” conversation card deck includes 45 question cards, with eight “Group Feel” cards for conversations of two to eight people. Cards offer refreshing conversation starters, from deep ideas to playful ice-breakers.
Curious Cards
The “Curious Cards” from Actually Curious are based on studies of trust-building and emotional intelligence, providing 52 cards (and four levels) of discussion topics.
With insights from psychologists, journalists, crisis negotiators, and game developers, the deck promises profound conversations about background, personal values, mental health, and beliefs on important issues.
You may also like: How to fight loneliness, according to the scientists who wrote the health guidelines on social connection
A version of this article was originally published in The 2025 Relationships Edition of the Goodnewspaper.
Header image by Nani Williams on Unsplash
